So I’m turning 30 on April 28th. I’m not afraid of it. I’m ready to embrace this next season of life. I am grateful for what God has brought me through, but it’s time for a change. I’ll write about this transition in another post. What I want to focus on is my health and weight, and how it tied in to me growing up and my present choices.
Many do not know this, but at one point in life, I weighed in at 309 lbs. I wore a size 48 pant size, and that was squeezing in. I wore size xxxl shirts, and that’s the ones that I’d find that fit me.
I had been overweight so long in my life that I had numbed the emotions I had initially felt about being fat. I remember even embracing my fatness by saying things like, “I’m glad I was fat growing up. Since I was not as physically attractive to women, it was that much easier to fight off sexual temptation because nobody wanted me in that way.” Yeah, I know now that it sounds pretty depressive to have thought that way, but that’s how I masked what I was feeling.
I reality, however, I was sick of being fat. I hated that I never once growing up I felt “attractive” (which is different than feeling handsome, which I was complemented on frequently). You see, handsome can mean you look handsome in what you’re wearing. It can be connected to a suit or dress. Attractive goes a step beyond. It almost has a connotation of physical attractiveness. I don’t remember feeling attractive growing up… ever. So, I dressed well, suited up, had nice shoes, so I could feel “handsome”, which was simply a way to mask the feeling of ugliness.
Technically, you could say I had a girlfriend when I was 15. I say technically because it was very short, and one of those “hi-bye” things with someone in youth group. I will guess that neither of us had lasting emotions from that, so I say it was “technically” a relationship.
When I was about 21, I met a girl from Florida on Yahoo Chat. Go ahead, laugh… I laugh at it now also, lol. But that was probably the first official relationship I had. Nevertheless, she lived in Florida and I lived in Pennsylvania, so that only lasted two months. I was infatuated with the relationship, but realized early on that it was not going to work out.
After this, I went back to just “accepting” that I was as I was. I had tried losing weight before, but commitment in regards to weight loss was something I was not good at. I would hit the plateau and quit. So, I stopped trying. I simply continued on my path of self indulgence through food. I can remember eating two Double-Quarter-Pounders w/Cheese and washing it down with a large Vanilla Milkshake, and not even flinch at it. I made eating a competition. I remember competing for the number of taco’s I could stuff myself with on Taco nights. I went up to that 309 pounds.
Around that time in 2003, Gastric Bypass had begun gaining more national attention. While it had been around, it was apparently just becoming more of a viable option for people struggling with weight. I thought about it… for months and months, and finally in early 2004, I went in for a consultation. When I arrived, they took all my vitals just as a regular physical would. The nurse began asking me if I felt ok. I realized later that she was only concerned at my blood pressure of 168/98. I felt well. Nevertheless, two subsequent doctor visits confirmed that I had high blood pressure. I was placed on medication (you know, the under-the-tongue stuff I think).
Coupled with my heart history, my dad dying from a heart/asthma attack, and other health factors, I was told that I would be a good candidate for the procedure. After much, much thought, I went through with it.
Best Decision Ever.
Some say it’s cheating… whatever you think, think it. For me, it was the best decision regarding my health.
It wasn’t really the weight issue, although I went down to 204 pounds within 7 months. I went down to a size 34 pant as well. It was a door to view eating in a different way. In a very truthful way, I used to live to eat. This procedure allowed me to eat to live.
The subsequent years were interesting. I didn’t stay at 204. After getting married in ’07, I gained 20 pounds (you know, the marriage pounds). I did a longer-lasting crash diet and went back down to 212. It felt good. But then I lost track, and 2 years ago, Erica got pregnant.
When Erica got pregnant, “I” gained 30 pounds, and I’m not lying there. Nearly 30 pounds. INCREDIBLE!!!!!!
Time for a change. So, Erica and I joined Weight Watchers. It has been a longer weight-loss, but it has worked wonders.
I have lost nearly 20 pounds in about 3 months. It has been a gradual loss, but the best thing is that I worked THROUGH the plateau. Doing so allowed me to re-start losing weight.
Last week, I began another thing… drinking water. I realize that I didn’t drink nearly any water at all. So far, I’ve gone 1 week drinking 64+ ounces of water. It feels great.
But I realize that the goal now is not necessarily to “lose weight”, although it’s connected to it. But I want to be healthy. I’m entering a new season in life. I don’t want to get more unhealthy. I want to turn this around and be healthy.
Anyways, I will stop here. It gives you a bit of background, and, I’m done typing, lol.