Right now, I am what would be best described as “A Ball of Raw Emotions.” If you don’t know why, read my previous blog post. You’ll be up to speed. There are so many emotions running through me right now.
Anger isn’t the first. Anger is never the first. There is always something else. For example, yesterday, I was angry ‘NOT’ because I didn’t get the job (although it’s a factor), but because that reality changed my sense of stability (or at least hopeful stability). Finances tend to do that easily to people’s lives. The reality of mounting bills, an upcoming baby, and no income for [almost] four months can really take a toll on you.
I can remember the days when Erica and I were finally SET. We were both employed full-time and living in Pittsburgh (one of the most inexpensive places to live in). It seemed so long ago, but it has only been 5 months.
This change in future plans totally threw a wrench in the engine. Actually… no… it threw a cinder block in the engine.
So now that you’re faced with a plethora of emotions after ( fill in the blank) happens to you… where do you go from there?
If I’m honest, I’m fed up with quick-comments that people will immediately run to like “God will” or “there’s something better.” I look at Job… to me, Job and God had the realest of exchanges I’ve ever seen. Job didn’t quickly run to “oh, but God will take care of me.” Bull… he was hurt… he was confused… he was angry…
And rather than put on the “Christianese” mask and say “But God” (while it’s a truth we all know is certain, that God will)… he took off his facade, bore it all, became vulnerable, and asked God, “What the hell are you doing here?” (Macho paraphrase)
I tend to be more like Job… it’s the kind of life I want to lead. Why? Well… he was real with God. I’m tired of fake Christianity. I want Authentic living.
You think God can’t handle you yelling? You think God can’t take a slipped word here and there? When was the last time you let God know how you were feeling?
I’m tired of faking it… I’m tired of “talking the talk” when my life is hurting… and rather than someone asking how I feel and talking it out, I get the “But God’s” and the “have faith’s” that I’ve known my entire life.
People… for a moment… let’s be real… leave the Christianese lingo at home… why do you mask your emotions?